The Words We Use

An Invisible Weapon

As a child I remember hearing the saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

The problem is, words can hurt.

They can leave scars no one can see.

Unlike sticks and stones, the damage done won’t leave visible bruising to the body; Neighbors, friends, family, and teachers won’t see the injuries.

That doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there.

It doesn’t mean the wounds aren’t real.

Words are the invisible weapon that can do lifelong damage and never heal.

It is not what goes into the mouth the defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person. –Matthew 15:11

I’m Going to Be Real With You

My children have these unseen injuries, and I’m the one who caused them.

How’s that for real?

the-words-we-use-hurt-bear-wof.c.jpeg.jpeg

I can try to rationalize the circumstances when I used words as weapons against the little people God has entrusted me with; it won’t make a bit of difference.

The fact is, I made HUGE mistakes.

I spoke in anger and frustration instead of love and respect.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. –Proverbs 18:21

My tone caused as much damage (if not more) than the words I used. Maybe I could pat myself on the back and say, “Well, I’ve never called them names.” That means nothing when I know I’ve bruised and battered them with words of indifference.

Instead of praising them for their imaginations and efforts, I’ve asked, “Why would you do that?” Instead of saying, “Thank you for trying to help”; it’s been, “Look what you’ve done.”

These words have hurt them time and time again.

Realizing this now, tears at my heart. I’m bleeding from each of the wounds I caused my children.

The Words We Use--wellofaith.com

I swore I would never treat my children the way my siblings and I were treated when we were growing up. I swore my kids would never have a reason to question whether they are loved.

Yet, here I am.

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perversness in it breaks the spirit. –Proverbs 15:4

When my children acted out, I wondered what was causing them to misbehave. I never stopped to consider it could have been my actions and reactions leading to their outbursts. That my words, said in frustration, anger, or disinterest, might have led them to lash out in search of some sort of control.

This family the LORD has blessed me with deserves more than that.

I Can Change

My children will not grow up questioning my love, or remembering only the harshly spoken words.

I will not be the reason their self-esteem suffers, or they turn away from God and family. I will not push them away with my own actions.

Our Heavenly Father knows my sins. He knows my heart, and my weaknesses. He trusted me to raise these children, and I will do my best, and when I stumble I’ll turn to Him.

I will control my words–both the words themselves, and the tone of my voice. I will focus on praise; on building up my children into strong, mature, loving, adults. I will do my best to let them spread their wings, to make mistakes, to be helpful, to explore life, and be the people God created them to be.

Most of All, I Will Pray

I’ll pray for guidance.

For patience.

For understanding.

I’ll pray for a kind tone and a joyful spirit.

I’ll pray for a million questions from my three-year old, so that I may show him through actions and words that he matters.

I’ll pray for my daughter to try new things–even when they involve me sitting back and ignoring the mess, because I want her to see as well as hear how proud I am of her, and how much I believe in her.

Finally, I’ll pray for each and every one of you who have faced these same problems. Those who have hurt their friends, families, and loved-ones with weapons so powerful they can damage people indefinitely.

Heavenly Father, 

I pray today that you help each of us control our tongues. That we may build one another up in this world. That we use our words to soothe and encourage, not to draw blood. Give us pause when we speak, that our children will not be a casualty of our sinful ways. 

Amen.

 

If you feel led, please share this post so it may remind others they’re not alone in their struggles with the words we use.

 

Blessings,

Sare Signature

 

 

 

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Who I Became is Not Who I Thought I’d Be

 The Best Laid Plans

Who I Became is Not Who I Thought I'd Be

Who I Became is not Who I Thought I'd Be

When I was a Senior in high school I had my entire life planned down to the smallest detail. I never considered anything would derail me from where I knew my future would take me.

What I hadn’t considered was how much people change after eighteen.

The things I thought were important seventeen years ago are no longer even a consideration.

I’ve experienced what real life is like, and let me tell you, teen me had no idea.

There was one other thing I hadn’t counted on when I was busy making plans for my future.

Our Heavenly Father.

I hadn’t counted on His plans.

At eighteen I had very little knowledge of who He really was, I didn’t realize He was the Great Designer of my future, or that He would use my experiences (the good and the bad) to guide me where He knew I needed to be.

The young girl who dreamed of a life full of adventure; one filled with police work and military service, as far away from the Pacific Northwest as she could get, would never have expected to be someone so completely different.

I Became Someone Different than I Thought I'd Be

Turns out God knew who I was even before I did.

His Plans are Greater than Mine

As I spend another rainy day less than thirty miles away from my childhood home, I watch as my nine year old daughter changes before my eyes.

Here’s a secret: when I was making my plans, she wasn’t on the checklist.

For that matter, neither was my husband or my other two children.

Yet, here we are.

I’m an adult, a follower of Christ, and a homeschooling mother. That’s a long way from where I thought I wanted to be.

You’re Never Too Old

Who I Became is not Who I Thought I'd Be

No matter how old you are, or what your plans are, you should take a moment to consider where God is guiding you.

He doesn’t always make the signs neon and flashing. Sometimes they’re small and easily missed. There might even be signs you won’t recognize until years later when you’re looking back on the decisions you made that led you to where you are.

We’re human, and we’re given freedom of choice. That’s why we make plans, and dream of the future. Just don’t be too hard on yourself if one day you realize you’re somewhere completely different than you ever thought possible.

Instead of asking yourself ‘what if’, look to God and say, ‘thank you’. Your journey isn’t over yet, it’s more important to keep your eyes on the path before you than the path behind you.

Trust Him

Who I Became is Not Who I Thought I'd Be

He loves you.

He loves me.

One day the path we’re on will lead us to stand beside Him, and on that day, every step and stumble will make sense, and we’ll know we’ve achieved every worthy plan and goal.

Who I’ve become, and who I will become, are not who I thought I’d be.

That’s okay.

In fact, that is perfect.

I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

Where has the path you’re on taken you?

Blessings,

Sare Signature

Lord, Shine From Me.

Lord, Shine from Me

May the LORD always shine from me.

My Plan

When I first started writing this blog, the original plan was to show all the happiness and joy this walk brought me.

The only problem with that idea is that nothing good comes without at least a little pain. I wouldn’t be true to my Heavenly Father, or myself,  if I skipped over the dark places; those trips, falls, and downright cliff-diving moments that take me off His path, and make me as imperfect and human as each person reading this.

 

You’re Not Alone

I want everyone who reads this blog to know that they’re not alone.

Not alone on this planet, and certainly not alone spiritually.

The LORD pulls me out of each mess I find myself in, and He will do the same for each person who calls out to Him.

So, I’ll share my stories, the good and the bad; I’ll let the light of Jesus shine from me.

Blessings,

Sare

When I Was A Perfect Parent

I once was a perfect parent. Before I had children of my own.

When I was a Perfect Parent

I Was a Perfect Parent

As a teenager, one who obviously knew it all, I believed I would be a certain way as an adult. I was one of those people who believed I knew how to handle whatever life had in store for me. This included parenting.

*Insert slightly insane laughter here*

There is a meme floating around the internet that states: “I was a perfect parent. Then I had children.”

It would be funny if it weren’t so incredibly accurate. Too many people (me included) believe they’ve got it all figured out–life, fitness, parenting, their make-up; only to have reality kick them solidly in the solar plexus. My old friend, Reality likes to remind me of its presence regularly.

When I was still a perfect parent–living under my parents’ roof, wearing clothes they bought for me, talking on the phone (a landline!) they paid for; I swore I would never treat my children the way my parents treated me. I wouldn’t keep my children from doing what they wanted, make them do chores, or tell them no. I would be different. I’d understand them, and treat them with “respect”.

I’m sure God chuckled at my plans. My parents did.

When I was still a perfect parent--living under my parents' roof, wearing clothes they bought for me, talking on the phone (a landline!) they paid for; I swore I would never treat my children the way my parents treated me. I wouldn't keep my children from doing what they wanted, make them do chores, or tell them no. I would be different. I'd understand them, and treat them with

Before the birth of my youngest my niece and I spent some time sitting on a bench overlooking the Puget Sound. The sun was warm, the sky was clear, the seagulls were begging scraps of our lunches, and it was a much-needed break from the hustle and bustle we’d been dealing with for the last few months. Taking a few moments to enjoy the beauty the LORD has created, and to truly appreciate it helped to relax my anxious heart.

It also helped me to understand something about myself.

I’m not a perfect parent. In fact, teen me would spend a lot of time rolling her eyes at adult me. I might have thought my parents were strict, but they were nothing compared to how I am as a parent. Part of this stems from a moderate battle with anxiety, but not all of it. Simply put, my priorities have changed, as have my views.

God is the Perfect Parent

God has blessed us with three beautiful children, not to be perfect parents, but to teach them and train them up in what is righteous. Much to their dismay, that includes horrors like sweeping, making their beds, and cleaning bathrooms, and picking up toys. It also requires them to spend time with us, to not put their friends above the LORD or their family, and to forgive each other when we stumble.

Something else that comes along with this is the amount of freedom we allow our children to have. Our eldest is only nine, and regardless of how my husband and I were raised the world is a much different place today than it was twenty years ago. Yes, she can play outside without constant supervision, but there are rules that have to be followed, and consequences if those rules are ignored. This is a relatively new freedom for her, and I still have several bad moments where I want to keep her in the house away from any chance of getting hit by a speeding car (see, anxiety). I’m taking it a day at a time, and maybe I’ll be more relaxed when they’re visiting me in the retirement home.

The point is, there are no perfect parents on Earth, except God, and of course those who have never had children. We as a society (especially women) spend so much time judging the merits of one person over another that we seem to forget we’re all just stumbling along doing the best we can. Have some people lost their way? Yes, but that isn’t for us to judge. There are people in this world who have been called to help those who have fallen. Instead of casting blame and pointing fingers, it’s time for us to come together and build each other up, and to raise our own children with love, compassion, and grace.

 

Hashtag This.

The world is falling apart around us, and the news is overzealously covering it, social media has once again elected itself judge, jury and executioner; and God hasn’t just been forgotten, he has been turned into a disease too many people want to be vaccinated against.

Humanity’s problem isn’t guns, or even racism. Humanity’s problem is that we’ve lost sight of God. We’ve got a problem with humanity itself. Our collective moral compass has slowly lost its way, and we are navigating into even more turbulant waters. As a people we’re being divided. Everyone is taking sides, and they’ve made catchy “hashtags” to show their solidarity and commitment to their cause.

#blacklivesmmatter
#alllivesmatter
#bluelivesmatter
#policelivesmatter

God created us all. Each and every one of us. He knew this world was going to mess up again. He set His rescue plan in motion thousands of years ago, because He knew what was coming, and He wanted to make sure He protected us. We are weak, we are sinners, we are human, and He still loves us. Even while we’re destroying each other out of some misguided attempt to prove God doesn’t exist, that we’re the masters of our own futures, He’s protecting us.

With our human eyes, ears, and emotions, it might not seem like God is doing a great job with protection detail, but that’s the thing about God. He sees things in a way we could never imagine. He is our Creator, and there is not one person on this Earth that could ever love us as much as He does.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. –John 14:27

This battle we’re fighting right now, it needs to end; we’re wasting our time. This battle has already been won, and here’s a spoiler, our Heavenly Father was victorious.

Trust in Him.  He’s got this covered.

Now, where’s the hashtag for that?

Blessings, Sare

Changes

Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet…
1 Corinthians 15:51-52a

On May 6th we welcomed our third child into the world.

She is beautiful, wonderful, and such a blessing to our family.

After two weeks of labor, where i didn’t dilate past four because of scar tissue, I was finally admitted to the hospital. Six hours later, our cuddle-bug was snug in my arms.

She was born at 1527 weighing 8 pounds 3 oz and 21 inches long.

Changes are coming.

Blessings, Sare

Joy?

Since my word for 2016 is Joy, I’ve spent more than an average amount of time contemplating what Joy is, and why I need to focus on these particular three letters.

While there are several good words out there I could learn from during the next twelve months (Love, Forgiveness, Understanding, Patience, etc.), they’re not the ones chosen.

Joy.

Such a small word, yet one with so much power behind it.

What is Joy? Is it just a word, a feeling, an action? Are we naturally born with it, or is it something that has to be learned? What does it feel like?

Will Joy teach my heart to feel lighter when it physically feels so heavy? Will it bring a smile to my face when I want to cry? Will it change who I am so drastically that I’ll look in the mirror and wonder who the glowing, happy, smiling person is?

For these first eight days of 2016, I’ve taken stock of each moment throughout the day to see where the Joy might be. Sometimes it seems to be obvious (I say seems to be, because honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever truly noticed Joy the way others have); other times I question if I should consider that first bite of chocolate chip cookie as something worthy of such a powerful word.

I have ended up with a lot of questions.

Is there a gauge for measuring Joy? Is there a wrong way? A right way? Does it come from the inside only, or from outside forces as well? Is it hereditary? Can I share it with others? Once I have it, does it stay with me forever, or do I need to keep searching for it?

As this week comes to a close, I rest my questions at God’s feet. I’m sure throughout the year He will answer several of the questions, while helping me grow and change.

My prayer is that the LORD will use Joy to help me strengthen my relationships, not just with my own family, but with those who are still searching for answers only He can give.

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness , peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” 

–Romans 14:17

 

Sare