Three days ago we scattered my father's ashes in the Puget Sound. A place he'd always loved. The week leading up to the memorial was rough and emotions ran high with everyone. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole thing and keep my father's ashes on my shelf, because as soon as they were removed from their place of honor, lonliness enveloped me. He'd been there since February, a constant companion in my home. It was time to let him go, but I wasn't sure I was ready.
I knew when I started this journey it wasn't going to be easy, but somehow I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult either. My love and Faith in God isn't wavering--it's growing deeper and stronger-- but I'm floundering. For every step in the right direction I take, I seem to take a hundred steps back the way I came. I don't want to be the person I was. I didn't like her much then, and I'm really not a fan of her now.
Not long ago my husband and I contemplated purchasing a home, but as we began the process we quickly realized my student loans were going to be a huge (like $72,000 huge) hurdle. This led to our first aha moment. Even though this wasn't really a positive thing for us, and it was a huge disappointment, it came to be a huge blessing.
Some days are easier than others. There are great days, and then there are days when I'd rather never get out of bed again. On those days even sunshine doesn't seem as bright, and I am reminded just how imperfect I really am.
Even if it makes me out to be "overly-sensitive", I will not confuse my children by participating, or allowing them to participate in something that at the very core marks what is wrong with our society. Words and actions affect people. The date on the calendar doesn't change that.
Since the day I got down on my knees and asked Jesus to guide me through this life, to save me from the person I'd become, and to fill me with his Holy and loving Spirit, I've seen my life change before my eyes. Some days are easier than others, but each day brings me… Continue reading God’s Work in My Family
Today would have been my father's birthday. I've been aware of the date my whole life, and for the past few weeks I've seen the date staring at me from the calendar. Up until this morning I hadn't realized it would be so hard to breathe when the day actually arrived. It became very obvious… Continue reading Happy Birthday
Since my word this year is Fellowship, I've been contemplating friendships: how they're formed, how they're nourished, and how they fade away.
Recently I've been thinking about what I'm meant to do with my life. I'm almost finished with my journalism degree (finally!), but I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I've got massive student loan debt hanging over my head (and honestly, my husband's head since I stay home and teach our children and he goes to work every day, bending to the ever changing will of his employer--the USMC).
Pinterest is an amazing thing, and by amazing I mean an unimaginable time-sucking, black hole of inspiration that can either brighten a person's day, or cause them despair over their own lack of creativeness. The other day while I was wasting time taking a break and scanning the latest pins on Pinterest, I came across this… Continue reading To Journal or Not to Journal, That is MY Question