What is Joy? Is it just a word, a feeling, an action? Are we naturally born with it, or is it something that has to be learned? What does it feel like?
Today, turning to the LORD hasn't been as spiritually lifting as it usually is. Instead of answers I have more questions. Instead of peace, I have unstoppable tears.
I knew when I started this journey it wasn't going to be easy, but somehow I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult either. My love and Faith in God isn't wavering--it's growing deeper and stronger-- but I'm floundering. For every step in the right direction I take, I seem to take a hundred steps back the way I came. I don't want to be the person I was. I didn't like her much then, and I'm really not a fan of her now.
Not long ago my husband and I contemplated purchasing a home, but as we began the process we quickly realized my student loans were going to be a huge (like $72,000 huge) hurdle. This led to our first aha moment. Even though this wasn't really a positive thing for us, and it was a huge disappointment, it came to be a huge blessing.
Some days are easier than others. There are great days, and then there are days when I'd rather never get out of bed again. On those days even sunshine doesn't seem as bright, and I am reminded just how imperfect I really am.
Even if it makes me out to be "overly-sensitive", I will not confuse my children by participating, or allowing them to participate in something that at the very core marks what is wrong with our society. Words and actions affect people. The date on the calendar doesn't change that.
It's okay to say no... Repeat after me: It's okay to say no.
Since my word this year is Fellowship, I've been contemplating friendships: how they're formed, how they're nourished, and how they fade away.
Recently I've been thinking about what I'm meant to do with my life. I'm almost finished with my journalism degree (finally!), but I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I've got massive student loan debt hanging over my head (and honestly, my husband's head since I stay home and teach our children and he goes to work every day, bending to the ever changing will of his employer--the USMC).
I view my relationship with God much the way I imagine the relationship between a gardener and their beautiful garden. I say imagine, because honestly most of my life I've had a black thumb and couldn't keep a cactus alive. Recently though, I've managed to care for a bamboo plant and an aloe plant. Much… Continue reading God’s Garden