I swore I would never treat my children the way my siblings and I were treated when we were growing up. I swore my kids would never have a reason to question whether they are loved.
Having four children, three of them under six, hasn't magically morphed me into Mary Poppins either. If anything, motherhood seems to have pushed me even further into territory more fitting of Batman than a loving Christian mother.
When I was still a perfect parent--living under my parents' roof, wearing clothes they bought for me, talking on the phone (a landline!) they paid for; I swore I would never treat my children the way my parents treated me. I wouldn't keep my children from doing what they wanted, make them do chores, or tell them no. I would be different. I'd understand them, and treat them with "respect".
People Always Look for Roots Either we want to set down roots, find our roots, or cover our roots with dye. Roots, like people, come in many shapes, sizes, and styles. Some are small, delicate, and easily damaged; others are larger, stronger, and withstand the passage of time and the inevitable battles that come along with life. I am human. A small, delicate root that would break off if I wasn't attached to another, more substantial one. Jesus. His strength, unfailing love, and grace, build me up when I would otherwise break.
He doesn't always make the signs neon and flashing. Sometimes they're small and easily missed. There might even be signs you won't recognize until years later when you're looking back on the decisions you made that led you to where you are.
Friends, I'm sure I'm not alone; in a world filled with so many people, I can't be the only one who has this issue. We're all sinners who can't move past our need for control. We alienate ourselves, because we're afraid of rejection, afraid of not being "good enough" or "smart enough". We forget that He created us in His image; that He created us for a special purpose and will provide us with all the tools we need to be sucessful.
Years ago I would have made sure she went to bed in that bassinet and slept in that through the night. I would have loved her, snuggled and fed her, and then put her back to bed. Like I mentioned, I'm no longer that mother.