The second time he deployed, our eldest was a toddler, and that changed everything. His absence was no longer only affecting me, but was affecting a little girl who didn't understand why her daddy wasn't home to tuck her in.
Today, I'm feeling great, and that knowledge can lull me into a false sense of security. It can cause me to forget the way I feel when it isn't sunny and beautiful. Sunlight therapy isn't enough, and neither is the medication I gave in and started taking two years ago. I need God to help me through this, the same way I need Him in every aspect of my life.
Today, turning to the LORD hasn't been as spiritually lifting as it usually is. Instead of answers I have more questions. Instead of peace, I have unstoppable tears.
Three days ago we scattered my father's ashes in the Puget Sound. A place he'd always loved. The week leading up to the memorial was rough and emotions ran high with everyone. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole thing and keep my father's ashes on my shelf, because as soon as they were removed from their place of honor, lonliness enveloped me. He'd been there since February, a constant companion in my home. It was time to let him go, but I wasn't sure I was ready.
What I Remember: Tea With My Father Memories on My Father's Birthday Today is my father's birthday. He's no longer here to celebrate it, but each year on this day, I still say a prayer and send him a wish. It's quiet, and it's ours. My whole adult life, my father was my closest… Continue reading What I Remember: Tea with My Father [A Happy Memory]
Today would have been my father's birthday. I've been aware of the date my whole life, and for the past few weeks I've seen the date staring at me from the calendar. Up until this morning I hadn't realized it would be so hard to breathe when the day actually arrived. It became very obvious… Continue reading Happy Birthday