I swore I would never treat my children the way my siblings and I were treated when we were growing up. I swore my kids would never have a reason to question whether they are loved.
I've learned what is needed to fuel my body for my goals. And just how much of certain foods I need to eat in order for my body to run without issues.
When I was still a perfect parent--living under my parents' roof, wearing clothes they bought for me, talking on the phone (a landline!) they paid for; I swore I would never treat my children the way my parents treated me. I wouldn't keep my children from doing what they wanted, make them do chores, or tell them no. I would be different. I'd understand them, and treat them with "respect".
He doesn't always make the signs neon and flashing. Sometimes they're small and easily missed. There might even be signs you won't recognize until years later when you're looking back on the decisions you made that led you to where you are.
Friends, I'm sure I'm not alone; in a world filled with so many people, I can't be the only one who has this issue. We're all sinners who can't move past our need for control. We alienate ourselves, because we're afraid of rejection, afraid of not being "good enough" or "smart enough". We forget that He created us in His image; that He created us for a special purpose and will provide us with all the tools we need to be sucessful.
Today, I'm feeling great, and that knowledge can lull me into a false sense of security. It can cause me to forget the way I feel when it isn't sunny and beautiful. Sunlight therapy isn't enough, and neither is the medication I gave in and started taking two years ago. I need God to help me through this, the same way I need Him in every aspect of my life.
When I first started writing this blog, the original plan was to show all the happiness and joy this walk brought me.